Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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