If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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