I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize