So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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