had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
