dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
