Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
