you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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