the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
