idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
