How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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