Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
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I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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