Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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