very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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