Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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