yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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