My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
