meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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