My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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