see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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