I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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