i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
