toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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