Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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