I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
