I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize