I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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