i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
