We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
