forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
