apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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