are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
