His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
