I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize