i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
