North Korea, Best Korea!
We got so high we made milksteak
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
