All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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