Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
