this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
i now understand why vodka
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
