Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
