Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
