how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
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