ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
