Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
