You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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