How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
