Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
