:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
so let's talk penis.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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