I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
