is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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