Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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