do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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