Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
