suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So. Much. Porn.
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