he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
