You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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