Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
