I wish my penis had an off switch
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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