do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
