btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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