Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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