There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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