I'm lost and stupid without you.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
