she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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