Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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