Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
