i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
