matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
be right there i have to get my cape
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
