I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
