im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
