i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
