I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
honey bunches of taint.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
