She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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