I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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