Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
