I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize