She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
