I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize