Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
